


Sexual Telepathy Not!Fic

by roebling



Series: Unfinished and Things that are Otherwise Not Fic [2]
Category: Panic At The Disco
Genre: M/M, Not!Fic, Telepathy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-10
Updated: 2010-02-10
Packaged: 2017-10-31 19:08:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/347421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roebling/pseuds/roebling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brendon starts hearing someone's thoughts -- but only when he's having sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sexual Telepathy Not!Fic

**Author's Note:**

> It's not so much that I don't have time to write this story as that it's not a story I think I could see myself writing, mostly because it would have to involve a lot of sex scenes. I don't really enjoy writing sex. Anyway, way back in the day I used to read NSYNC fanfiction, and I read one story that has always stayed with me. In this story, Chris gains the ability to read Lance's mind after getting struck by lightening. I don't remember the title of this story or who wrote it and I have no idea how I'd go about finding it again, but it makes me think of a related Brendon/Spencer scenario, set back in their bb days,

The first time Brendon ever has sex with a girl he finds himself thinking about Friends, which is kind of weird. He thinks Jennifer Aniston is cute in a generic way but doesn't ordinarily have strong feeling about Friends one way or another. He wasn't allowed to watch much television when he was growing up. Tonight, though, he keeps thinking about how much he hates it, how tedious and stupid it is, and how it seems like it's the only thing on television, ever. This sudden acute annoyance is bizarre; he really doesn't care at all about Monica or Rachel or Ross or Joey.

The girl's name is Sonia. She's a little older and fucking gorgeous and has been overwhelmingly kind. He's trembling and sweating and a delirious mess, barely able to hold on long enough not to embarrass himself. It's a pretty monumental thing, losing your virginity, and Brendon wishes he could focus better. He knows he's kind of a space cadet, but he seriously never expected he'd flake out during sex.

Afterwards, he wraps his arms around Sonia's waist and rests his head in the crook of her arm. She talks quietly about something inconsequential; Brendon likes the music over voice. He feels himself coming back, feels the current of distracted thought running through his mind recede. He is sleepy and calm and happy, fascinated by the peachy softness of her skin. As he falls asleep, Friends is the last thing on his mind.

That's where I left off, but the rest of the story would work like this: it takes Brendon a couple of more times but eventually he catches on that these weird thoughts he's having during sex aren't his. He's reading someone's mind! During sex! It's crazy. He gets super weirded out and tries to be celibate but come on, he's 19 and he's famous and girls are throwing themselves at him, so that doesn't work. He tries really hard to figure out whose thoughts he's overhearing, but it's hard, because the person is seriously kind of neurotic and seriously insecure and Brendon just doesn't know who it could be.

(I have a thing for hurting!insecure!Spencer putting on this facade of nonchalance. So while he's totally cool as a cucumber in person, when Brendon reads his mind he's often kind of pathetic and sad. Maybe Brendon overhears him one night when he's trying to talk to a girl who kind of blows him off and he really had a hard time with it. IDK.)

Anyway, Brendon's always kind of known he is curious about guys, but it takes a while until he finally meets a guy who seems receptive to fooling around with him and isn't a complete skeez. They're at an after party and everyone's there and Brendon is really flirting with this guy pretty hardcore, and there's no doubt what they're up to when they slip away to the bathroom. So it's Brendon's first time with a guy and he's getting his dick sucked and it's kind of amazing, but for whatever reason the thought-reading-thingy is turned up extra high tonight, and whoever he's spying on is SERIOUSLY upset. Like, Why did I ever think he'd pick me he'd never pick me and I know it that guy he was so hot he was gorgeous and Brendon's gorgeous and I know what I look like so why did I ever think he would pick me? Such an idiot such a fucking idiot and now he probably knows probably saw how I was looking at him all night like I'm always looking and now he knows and he thinks I'm a joke they all think I'm a joke I don't know why I even fucking thought --- etc etc etc.

It's so bad Brendon can't even really enjoy the blowjob. He's kind of seriously upset that ANYONE on tour would think that way, and he's upset that he never noticed whoever it is. The thing is though, he REALLY doesn't think it's Spencer. He doesn't even really entertain the idea because Spencer is like super together and super cool and really really pretty and he's never seemed like anything but awesome to Brendon, almost intimidatingly so. Spencer doesn't really fool around with any of the fans or any of the people in the other bands, but Brendon figures that's just because he's got like, actual standards.

Brendon's kind of miserable but he's also not going to just give up sex so it happens a few more times and then somehow, somehow, he realizes it IS Spencer. Maybe he hears overhears the guy complaining about something, about one of the skeevy older techs maybe, and then later he hears Spencer say the SAME EXACT THING and it's like a lightening bolt. It's Spencer.

Brendon is really freaked out because not only is he eavesdropping on Spencer, which is wrong and super weird, Spencer is also really upset and insecure and Brendon had no idea. It doesn't seem like anyone has any idea because Spencer is still cool and kind of bitchy and when he stands with his hip cocked and his arms crossed he looks he's ten steps ahead of everyone. He doesn't look at all like someone who is lonely and a little scared, and Brendon decides that he's got to fix it.

He starts spending more time with Spencer, one on one, trying to get to know him not just as Ryan's best friend but in his own right. And Spencer is awesome and funny and so nice so it's not exactly a burden. Quite the opposite: they get along so well, and Spencer really is super pretty, so it's kind of inevitable that Brendon kisses him one night after a show. They're in a hotel that night and they're sharing and it escalates. They lay on Spencer's bed and make out and it's wonderful and good and Spencer is a really great kisser, but as Brendon gets more and more turned on his Spencer-ESP kicks into full gear: Oh my god oh my god I can't believe this is happening I can't believe he wants this he must not really want it but I do I want this so much have wanted it for so long and maybe he just feels bad for me maybe I'm just that pathetic oh god I am but I don't care. Despite everything Spencer is still freaking out, still thinking all these awful things that are just, so not true and Brendon can't take it.

"Dude," he mumbles, mouth pressed against Spencer's neck. He's really turned on and he really wants to focus on Spencer's long neck and his freckled shoulders. "Cut it out. I am so into you, for real. I want this."

Spencer freezes up and says, "What?"

Fuck. Brendon's eyes go wide and he realizes that he's kind of just let it slip. They both go really still, and Spencer's eyes are wide and so blue and Brendon wants to cry and but he feels guilty enough as it is so he tells him. He tells him everything, about how he can overhear his thoughts and how Spencer is wrong, so wrong, and he's awesome and hot and Brendon is crazy about him. Spencer stares at his lap and when Brendon is done he gets up without saying a word and puts his shirt back on and leaves. He doesn't come back to the room that night.

Brendon has really screwed everything up. Spencer won't speak to him, will barely talk to anyone, and Brendon is just sad and guilty and miserable and he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know how to make Spencer realize that it's not pity, not anything like that. It's awful. Even Ryan picks up on how upset they are. He emerges from his little bubble of woe and confronts Brendon, demanding to know what he did to Spencer.

"Nothing," Brendon says miserably. "I mean, I just ... he thinks I only wanted to make out with him because I felt bad for him, but dude, he's so wrong. I really like him."

Ryan looks thoughtful. "He won't talk to me," he says. "But he's really upset, Brendon. He's always ... he's not as tough as he looks, you know?"

"I know," Brendon says. He knows all too well.

"Sometimes it's easy to forget he's the youngest," Ryan says. "But he takes everything so seriously. If you're messing with him ..."

"I'm not!" Brendon says. "I'm really not."

"Well," Ryan says. "Then you need to let him know that."

The problem is, Brendon doesn't know how. He's still miserable and it shows in his performance and Spencer retreats into his bunk and draws the curtains the second he steps foot on the bus. Brendon tries to talk to him, but Spencer gets this look in his eyes that is so hard and hurt and scared all at once that Brendon can't even remember how to talk.

It gets to the point where he doesn't know how they can stay on tour together if things don't improved, so Brendon takes a page from Ryan's book and he write Spencer a letter. He writes him a letter and tells him everything, every detail. He tells Spencer that he is one of Brendon's best friends and he really, really didn't mean to hurt him or keep secrets. He would never do anything to hurt him. He tells Spencer how he's scared too, and confused. He kind of can't believe any of this, can't believe anyone thinks he's hot, really. He's just some dumb skinny kid with a big voice, and he knows people see that, and sometimes it takes everything he's got to pretend it's not true. He tells Spencer how sometimes he's scared that his parents are right, even, and this is all wrong and bad and he really is going to go to Hell. He ends the letter by apologizing. 'I'm sorry,' he writes. 'I'm so sorry. I never meant for this to happen and I should have just told you but I was so freaked out. I think you're an incredible person and I think you're beautiful and I know you can't read my mind, but I've told you everything now, anyway, so we're even.'

He leaves the letter on Spencer's pillow the next night they're in a hotel and he goes and sits by the pool with his feet in the water, despite the fact it's in the mid forties.

Later, someone comes and sits down beside him. It's Spencer. He takes off his shoes and rolls up his jeans and his feet are pale. "Sorry," he says, quietly.

"I'm sorry," Brendon says, honestly. "Spence, I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," Spencer says. "It's not your fault. I just ... It seems like this is easy for you and Ryan and Brent and it's so hard for me and I hated the idea that you knew."

"It's not easy," says Brendon. "It's really not."

"I know that," Spencer says. "I'm really sorry."

"I wasn't lying," Brendon says, after a second. "I think you're awesome, and if you don't want to have anything to do with me it's fine, but it's not pity, Spencer. It was never pity."

Spencer ducks his head and his cheeks turn a little pink. "Sure," he says. He kicks his feet. The water's warmer than the air and the blue-white light trembles. "So, I guess you're still going to be able to like, read my mind when you have sex, huh?"

Brendon laughs, just because seriously, it sounds so absurd. "I mean, I guess. I don't know?"

Spencer chuckles too. "Trust you to have the world's weirdest super power. Couldn't you have asked for super strength or something?"

"Hey," Brendon says. He flexes his bicep. "I'm already pretty built, dude. I don't need super strength."

Spencer really laughs, then, his smile wide and his eyes crinkling and Brendon smiles but his heart stutters, because it's not pity and it's not just dumb attraction but he wants to make Spencer smile always.

They're quiet for a minute. Then Brendon's phone buzzes. It's Brent, looking for them. "They wanna know where we are," he mumbles.

"It's getting kinda late," Spencer agrees.

Brendon stands up and reaches for his shoes, but Spencer reaches out and touches his hand and he freezes.

"So," Spencer says, and his cheeks are beet red now and he won't meet Brendon's eyes. "I mean, I guess if you're gonna sleep with someone, could you just let me know or something? We could work out a codeword and I'll go to sleep or listen to music or something and hopefully I won't get in your way too much ..."

Brendon squeezes his hand. "I'm kind of hoping the next time I sleep with someone you'll be there, Spence."

"Oh," Spencer says. "Oh. Well, uh, I guess that would work, too."

"Yeah?" Brendon asks.

"Yeah," Spencer says, and he smiles.

Later they're in bed and their hips are pressed together and Spencer's hand is almost but not quite big enough to reach around both of them so Brendon reaches down to help and it feels perfect and he doesn't think he's ever been more turned on even though they're just jerking each other off and he can barely concentrate or think but the only thing he hears in Spencer's mind is a refrain of 'I love you i love you i love you ...' and Brendon smiles against Spencer's mouth and thinks it back, as hard as he can.


End file.
